A powerful and authentic exploration of domestic abuse.

Ria Taylor runs SafeMe, a refuge and support centre for women (and their children) who have suffered domestic abuse at the hands of their partners. She is married to Danny, with whom she has two children, and she cherishes the loving relationships within her nuclear family and will do all she can to protect them. She is equally passionate about offering a safe and caring environment for the women she cares deeply about, always prepared to work hard on their behalf, including devoting time to the never-ending fund-raising which is necessary to provide a continuity of service. Competition is fierce for grants from the local authority, with many councillors unconvinced of the need to support these women. However, Ria, with the support of her co-workers, is determined to fight on their behalf – earning herself the nickname of “Superwoman”.
When the story starts Danny has just gone abroad for a month, to work on a job which will give him a large bonus. Neither of them is happy about this but, as it will give them a much-needed boost to their income, enabling them to clear their debts and then buy their own house, they are prepared to tolerate it, keeping in touch several times a day via loving text messages and phone calls. However, soon after Danny leaves, Ria is sent a cheap mobile phone, complete with a sinister message. She has no idea who sent it but, from the content of the continuing stream of messages, whoever did appears to know everything about her, and to know in minute detail, where she is and what she is doing. She feels increasingly threatened and terrified, especially when she feels her children could be at risk, and yet she feels paralysed with indecision about what she can do about it.
The story is told from the perspectives of two characters, Ria and Tanya, with the latter’s story emerging through her entries from her diary. The typeface for these diaries is both smaller and fainter and, as the story progresses it becomes clear that this reflects the mindset of a woman who feels insignificant and almost invisible. It soon becomes apparent that her husband, Alan, is not only very controlling, but is also physically and sexually abusive. Although Tanya does go to work, she is taken and picked up by him, her wages are paid directly into his bank account and she can never go out socially with colleagues. At home his behaviour is equally controlling; she is allowed no access, other than when he is there, to anything sharp (which she might be tempted to use against him!), no free access to the telephone, books or the television, and he has had shutters fitted to all windows and doors, which are rolled down and locked whenever he goes out, making her a prisoner in her own home … except, of course, nothing belongs to her. I found the tension and despair in this part of the story almost unbearable at times and, in spite of guessing quite early on how Tanya’s situation intersected with Ria’s, this in no way detracted from the power of this strand of the storytelling.
In fact, I very quickly found myself caught up in the lives of all the characters in this deeply disturbing and upsetting exploration of domestic abuse. I have some professional knowledge of the work done in this field and it very quickly became clear to me, from the many ways in which she used her characters to so credibly convey the complexity of the subject, that the author had done considerable research into all aspects of it. I think that she captured particularly well the power which perpetrators of domestic violence exert over their partners. So often you will hear people say, “but why did she put up with that, why didn’t she just leave him?” However, this is to underestimate the myriad ways in which someone’s self-confidence can be gradually undermined by a manipulative, violent partner, particularly one who, in the early stages of the relationship, will be profusely apologetic after being violent, swearing it will never happen again. This enables a cycle of violence to escalate, the woman begins to feel she must have “done something to deserve it” and, if there are children, she is likely to want to ensure that the violence isn’t directed at them, so she stays, frozen in her fear, unable to see any way out or any hope for a different future. This despair is likely to be compounded by two external influences. Firstly, in all too many instances the police are unlikely (or unable) to act unless the man does something so abusive that they have grounds to charge him … but then he’s likely to be released on bail, free to abuse her again! Then, if she does eventually summon up the courage to leave, will there be a safe refuge for her to escape to? I think the author’s depiction of Ria’s feelings of psychological powerlessness when faced with her stalker, demonstrated very effectively how even someone as apparently strong as Ria can, in certain circumstances, feel powerless and unable to react in a self-protective, “sensible and rational” way. The storyline also demonstrated just how powerless the police are in certain circumstances: I think when we read reports of stalking ending either in serious injury, or even death, we’ve probably all asked the question “why didn’t the police do anything?” … all too often the answer is that they couldn’t.
The author also used her characters to offer insights into the many reasons why abused women, even those who have “escaped” to a place of safety, will often return home, either because they can’t cope with their new-found “freedom” and feel a need to go back to a situation which feels familiar, or because they believe their abuser’s claim to have changed. I think that she did an excellent job in helping readers to understand the psychology of why this happens, rather than just feel critical of women who appear to be acting in a self-destructive way. However, the story did demonstrate that, given the right levels of support, and a huge amount of courage, eventually some women are able to create new lives for themselves and their children.
As the story progresses the reader learns more about Ria’s own background, her teenage years, her estrangement from her father, her ambivalent and troubled relationship with her mother and certain secrets about her past she has kept from Danny. As these revelations emerge, not only does her behaviour in terms of how she does (and doesn’t!) deal with the threats from her stalker begin to make sense, but so too does the reader begin to understand her motivations for devoting her working life to victims of abuse. I think that the author very effectively conveyed how people who work in the caring professions are often, albeit unconsciously, motivated by unresolved problems of their own!
With its themes of sexual grooming, domestic violence, rape, coercion, stalking, the limited powers of the police to act until domestic violence has escalated and is provable and the shortage of places of safety when women do summon up the courage to leave an abusive partner, this was, at times, a very difficult story to read. However, with the latest figures for domestic violence, including murder, rising it is a timely reminder that there are all too many women whose lives are defined by the suffering they endure at the hands of men who are violent, but who all too often blame the women for this behaviour … “look what you made me do”. At one point in the story, Ria asks about one character’s behaviour “why is he doing this?” … the answer all too often comes down to the simple fact that “they can”, that no one has found a way of stopping them.
It seems so obvious that, rather than closing down existing provision, society needs to be providing more refuges, half-way houses and permanent accommodation so that when women feel ready to extricate themselves from abusive partners, there is somewhere safe for them to escape to, and enough social workers to support them as they make the necessary psychological adjustments in order to be able to move on. Although the story demonstrates that the outcome for some women is often tragic, there is also a message of optimism that, with the right support, at the right time, life can get better.
With such topical themes this book would make an excellent choice for group discussion.