In a world of social media where does the line between private mourning and public displays of empathy lie. Five families find themselves at the forefront of this question following a car crash involving their children. Can the community wish to recognise their loss and their offers of support stand alongside their need for privacy and space and time to acknowledge their loss and what it means to their family. In the modern era is it right to want to "own" the suffering of others as part of a communal experience and can this aid or hinder the grief process?